I'm so menopausal

Im so menopausal


From MinniePauz readers.......


I'm so menopausal I tell my family that if they can't live with the heat being set at 65, they can either put on more clothes or I can run around naked.  The thermostat is still set at 65 (and sometimes lower).  Go figure!


Hey, when you have an internal furnace, you save on your heating bill! I'm considering just standing outside on our front walk and melting the snow myself.  Should only take a few minutes.

I'm only 47 but I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and it was INSTANT menopause!  I didn't even get the gradual warnings.  One day I'm normal and then I have the surgery and I'm suddenly "Psycho Momma"  .....Donna


I'm so menopausal that my nightsweats have become uncontrollable gym sweats.  While doing an hour long cardio session on the elliptical machine at my local gym the sweat began dripping only forty seconds into my planned hour.  I pushed on thinking, " I sure must look like I'm getting a fantastic cardio workout ". 

Several minutes later my pink and white workout bra was soaked through and the drips began accumulating between my breasts.  Soon my matching pink tank top was soaked and I was feeling dribbles between my thighs.  Yes, I've had some issues with incontinence, but that was not the problem this time. 

The sweat had nowhere to go!  My socks were wet and the orthotics in my shoes began squeaking.  Since the elliptical machine is fairly quiet and the TVs were off at the time, I began to attract some attention.  A young woman, dressed as though she was a model for a men's muscle magazine came by and asked if I was nearly finished.  I don't think she believed me when I replied, " I've only been on the machine for fifteen minutes! " 

Several minutes later the woman at the front desk appeared to remind me that since six cases of MRSA (Methacillin Resistant Staphlococcus Aureus- the "super-bug")  had occured in our area, resulting in one death, I needed to get off the machine immediately and wipe it down.  Embarrassed, and a bit angry, I stepped off to retrieve the towel and squirt bottle of disinfectant sitting on the window shelf for just this purpose.  She had something else in mind when she handed me a bucket of sudsy water, a brush, a pair of rubber gloves, and a new roll of paper towel. 

When I had finished cleaning she mounted a sign saying " do not use this piece of equipment " not only on the machine I had been using but the machines on either side as well.  At her instuction I double bagged the gloves, brush, and paper towel and took it to the dumpster outside.  When I tried to explain, in private, why I had been sweating so profusely she told me I needed a note from my doctor to verify I was having night sweats during the day. Now when I enter the cardio room I carry my container of "Lysol Anti-Bacteria Wipes" and a small plastic bag... and do most of my workouts when I know the gym will be deserted.  And I wish this woman nothing but the best- night, day, AND workout sweats in her menopausal future.  Joan O.


I'm so menopausal I'm the newest tropical island...in the middle of our state.  Cindy


I'm so menopausal that after I got out of the shower as I was sprinkling myself with talcum powder a cloud began to form.  Choking I looked at the container in my hand and realized I had picked up the wrong one...I had just doused myself with Comet.  I jumped back into the shower and scoured (pun intended) off.  Mary

I'm so meno.....I can't find what I'm looking for even when it's  there right under my nose!! Sooo frustrating grrrrr!


I'm so meno..........I tipped the veg into the colander ON THE way to the sink.......soggy slippers not nice ugh!


I'm so meno............I cant remember any more but I know there is loads ha! 
 Pam UK

I'm so menopausal that I called my brother on his birthday (Saturday) to wish him a Happy 60!  During our conversation I asked had he received my card in the mail and he responded that he hadn't gotten it yet.  Of course my response was, "Oh well, you know the postal system in (state) is as backwards and everything else down here...blah, blah, blah.  It'll get there eventually". Well, now it's Sunday morning and I'm getting ready for church and as usual I can't find my 'other' earing and wouldn't you know it?  There's the birthday card that I swore I mailed the previous Monday sitting on my dresser next to my jewellry box all this time.

!  Oops!  Yet, one more Menopause Moment!   Deborah

I worked the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk here in Atlanta and took all my credit cards out of my wallet so I wouldn't lose them.  The only problem was, when I got home 3 days later, I had no idea where I hid them.  It took me approximately 6 hours on & off to find them.  From now on I have to write myself a note & take it with me.  What a waste of time menopausal moments are, and it wasn't the first time. 

I'm so menopausal... that in the midst of a Snickers bar fix,I had the Grandmother of all hot flashes(power surges) and melted at least  an ounce and a half of that precious chocolate down my hand and arm.I thought my husband would die laughing....until I threatened to choke him to death with the remaining peanuts!!!   Betty


  I'm so menopausal after my hyst that one of my friends and I took this picture with the little stuffed cat she brought me while I was in the hospital...........Alas, Kung Fu Kitty.  Jayne 



I'm so menopausal that even though the air conditioning is broke  

- in the high ON position -  
I'm just happy with the temperature.  Corrine


How menopausal are you?? Share it with us! 

Minnie Moments


And I’m afraid ~ yours too

I know that I am different now 
I know I’m not the same 
There is a demon in my mouth 
That makes me act insane

I feel so hot and sweaty now 
My mind is full of rage 
I’m sure this shouldn’t be happening 
Not yet, not at my age

The loved ones who are around me 
I hope that they do stay 
But if I was dealing with me 
I’d surely run away

I’m on a roller coaster 
It sends me up and down 
How can I go from laughing? 
To crying on the ground

It happens in an instant 
From happy to distraught 
I think to every girly 
This message should be taught

Don’t ever be complacent 
And treat life with contempt 
Cherish every moment 
Every single one of them

One day it will descend on you 
From somewhere out of hell 
You’ll think the maddest witch on earth 
Has blessed you with her spell

Life is not a mystery 
It neither is a game 
For once this happens to you 
You’ll never be the same

So how sorry can I be? 
It’s my hormones it’s not me 
So don’t you worry or criticise 
You’re not being told any lies

This is my existence 
A strange and manic place 
I do not mean to hurt you 
Just don’t get in my face

It’s strange to feel this anger 
It’s weird to feel this rage 
I’m on the herbs and calcium 
I’ll be on them for an age

And everything’s so black and white 
There is no middle ground 
My emotions are so up and down 
They make my head go round and round

It’s so damned hot throughout the night 
Central heating I don’t need 
I know what will calm me down 
I think I’ll smoke some weed (not really)

My memory has abandoned me 
My balance, not too good 
Restful sleep, is in the past 
Anyone not happy can kiss my a**

So if you should come across me 
Crying like a buffoon 
It won’t be long before I start 
Laughing like a loon

So there you go, this is my lot 
Do I like it? Not a lot 
But this is it, another night 
I’m sure everything will be alright

Shirl x x x x

Dedicated to me – writing this brought me back from a very dark place



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